Pregnancy loss throws your whole world upside down.
You were pregnant and in your happy bubble.
You were going to become a mum and build a family together with your partner.
Suddenly, everything changes.
How do you give yourself space & time to heal & grieve. ?
How do you you return to yourself?
How do you deal with all the physical and emotional burden that you are going through?
When can you start trying to conceive again?
1. Check-in with yourself and give yourself space
Many things are going on at the same time.
Your head is trying to process the fact that the baby has miscarried.
Your body is having a hormonal & physical response.
Your mind is bombarded by a whole suite of difficult emotions.
You are bleeding, feel extremely tired and may experience a loss of appetite, while possibly still feeling some of the pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, tender breasts, swollen belly…
In parallel, a mixed bag of strong emotions such as grief, deep sadness, fear, anger, shock, hopelessness, loneliness, guilt, unfairness… is assaulting you.
This is a tough moment and it is important to hold space, being very gentle with yourself.
A way to hold space for yourself could be doing the following
-Lay down on the couch or in your bed, nicely covered with a warm blanket
- Gently place your hands on your belly
- Connect with your breathing, noticing your inhalation and exhalation
- Observe curiously how you are feeling, looking for specific sensations in your body, investigating which emotions are there
- if you feel overwhelmed or if a difficult emotion arises, visualise a white comforting light that surrounds you like a comforting cocoon
- stay as long as you need there, and repeat as many times as necessary
2. Express your emotions: talk, cry, scream, let it all out
Sharing your emotions will help you process them and will lower their intensity.
It will also help your loved one understand what you are going through.
It may seem obvious, but in this kind of situation we tend to close ourselves like an oyster
Everyone is different, but a few suggestions would be:
Talk to your partner, your best friend or a family member.
Cry as much as you need, until you feel that there are no more tears left.
Scream or punch a pillow.
Ask for some alone time if that’s what your need, or on the contrary ask to be surrounded if that’s what you feel like
3. Care for your body (sleep, food, warmth)
It takes about 1 to 2 months for your body to recover after a miscarriage.
Your overall energy has been depleted so you want to support your body recovery.
Here are a few pointers that can help:
Get some bed rest for at least a week
Sleep as much as you need. Nap during the day, don’t use an alarm in the morning. Let your body show you what it needs
Eat warm & cooked food only. Avoid raw food, salad, ice-cream or iced drinks
Eat some iron rich food like nuts, spinach, broccoli, oats
Keep your body warm at all times. Hot bottles are wonderful for this. Watch out for cold feet and hands. Have a hot feet bath once a day if you tend to feel cold easily
Do some gentle yoga stretches, meditation and breath-work to connect with your body
Avoid any form of intense workout or house chores for a month
4. Get some support - Know that you are not alone
Visiting a holistic therapist can help you navigate this challenging time. It will help you process your emotions, restore and reboot your energy and relax your body. It will help you grief & heal. You can read more about my holistic support here.
Joining a miscarriage support group can also be very therapeutic. Connecting with women who went through a similar experience is invaluable. I fyou live in the Netherlands, here is a helpful link https://amsterdam-mamas.nl/articles/miscarriage-support-netherlands
5. Make a small ritual
Having a little ritual of your own can help you with saying good-bye.
I usually light a candle together with my client and put a crystal in front of it.
We both say a few words and my client leaves with the crystal.
Alternatively, we use a rainbow bath bomb and we watch it spread and dissolves.
6. When can I try again after a miscarriage
The simple answer is: this is a case by case decision.
Physically, your body may be ready as soon as 14 to 25 days after your miscarriage i.e on your next ovulation, but remember to take into account how you feel mentally and emotionally as well.
Physically:
When it comes to having sex, it is best to wait until all your miscarriage symptoms, such as pain or bleeding are gone because there is a risk you may get an infection.
Your doctors may advise you to have at least 1 period before you start trying for another baby. This is because your first menstrual cycle after a miscarriage is often much longer or shorter than usual.
If you get pregnant during that cycle, it may be difficult to work out when you conceived. This could make it difficult to work out when you’re due and cause you some unnecessary anxiety.
Most miscarriages are a one-off event and there is a good chance of having a successful pregnancy in the future, regardless of how soon you became pregnant again. There is even some evidence that conceiving in the first 6 months after a miscarriage lowers your risk of miscarriage next time.
Mentally & Emotionally
Allow yourself space and time to heal if the miscarriage deeply affected you. It can be useful to work with a therapist to process the feeling of loss and grieving first before trying again.
Take good care of yourself, and remember: you are not alone <3
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